Closing Out 2022
Whew. How are there only a few days left of this year?
I'm just going to come out and admit it- this year has been a struggle for me! I don't want to not acknowledge the SO many great blessings but also, it was a year of my flesh continually being revealed and a year of healing from trauma.
Whether the constant sanctifier of motherhood, or trying to embody faith as I move past all of my cancer treatments to the gentle pull of continual self-discipline juxtaposed to the continual need for rest and play- I have come to the same old conclusion: I need the Lord.
It has been a humbling year where I can acknowledge that good things are only from Him; so I need to quit striving and simply continue to be faithful and obedient to each moment given to me.
I've really struggled in maintaining my priorities this year, but I do know what I would like to work on next and they aren't necessarily physical goals, but attitudes to help me maintain a humble heart:
1) Curiosity. I love learning. But how much do I use it to push and pull and control? Everything is a tool that can be used to the glory of God or to the destruction of me or someone around me; I want to exchange my need to control for awe, wonder, experimentation, and most of all, guidance under the Holy Spirit. I have nothing to fear and everything to gain when I enter into an unknown path with the Holy Spirit. I want to always be guided by the Law of Love, not some lower law of nature.
2) Empathy. I have spent a lot of this year inside of my head- and not in the beneficial, daydreaming-and-dwelling-on-the-good-things sort of way; It has disconnected me from people and the present. How healing and good would it be to be engaged with the hearts of those around me (rather than viewing them as an intrusion on my own) or to fully live in the beauty and the necessities of just this moment?
3) More good books. It is a truth fundamentally known that I am always in need of bookish nourishment. I got caught up in tasks this year- all noble things, but slowly, books were snuffed out from me. For my own personality, books feed my thoughts, which keep me healthy in every sense of the word. I have been dipping into books every day, multiple times a day the past few weeks and I have seen the light of hope grow fresh within me. I feel more like my old self again <3
4) Faithfulness. Whatever, I do, however meager, God can use it. But I must remain patient and faithful to it. The small things each day make up a life. I tend to swing from one extreme to the other- full force or not doing it all and later regretting that abandonment. But I must believe it will all work out. I don't want to get caught up in my gluttony for more and my pride for perfection. This is an attitude that I struggle with in nearly every area, and I believe can be resolved with gratitude and falling back on my trust in God.
And there is what I am trying to keep at the center of my heart. I hope all of my friends have a Happy New Year!