“Then he isn’t safe?” said Lucy,
“Safe?” said Mr. Beaver; “don’t you hear what Mrs. Beaver tells you? Who said anything about safe? ’Course he isn’t safe. But he’s good. He’s the King, I tell you.”
[in reference to Aslan, the image bearer of Christ in Lewis’ story, The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe]
Over a month ago, Judah had started waking up several times at night, needing help getting back to sleep and feeling pretty fussy each day from the lack of uninterrupted sleep the night before. So after a few weeks of many sleepless nights, we decided to start sleep training him, which is basically a nice way of saying we are letting him cry it out at bedtime. I have to admit, the first couple nights of the sleep program was hard!! Hearing my baby boy cry and only being able to respond at pre-planned intervals, felt against my very nature as his momma. One night while watching him cry through the video monitor I felt the tears catch in my throat. It was tough to watch him so frustrated while knowing that any intervention outside of the plan on my part would be lack of growth on his. But after just a few nights the tears became less and less and the peaceful sleeping became more and more. I soon saw a different baby during the day, one that could enjoy every moment instead of spending half of them weighed down by sleep deprivation. It’s crazy to think about all of the things we as humans have to learn, and something as simple as being able to sleep is one of them.
Becoming a parent has given me a whole new perspective on God. How many moments have I spent frustrated, crying out? Only to be met with no answer. Or there was an answer but it wasn’t the one I thought that I deserved from God.
Ryan and I were in the car talking the other day about someone whose life seemed to be taken too young and how we will never understand. If there was one time for God to run in, Glory blazing and heal this person, it was this time. All of the boxes were checked- this person lived more than a good life- in fact, a very beautiful, loving life. This person had many dependent loved ones. This person was surrounded and covered by more prayer than any other situation I have known personally. But for some reason, God decided to take this soul Home anyways. As we were hashing this reality for what seemed like the millionth time, I found myself choking on the memory of watching Judah cry on the monitor without being able to intervene. Judah didn’t understand why Momma wasn’t coming into the room when he cried and it pained me tremendously.- How much more does it pain God when we don’t understand the why within His sovereignty, but He has to continue on in His plan anyways all while watching us crying out confused on His video monitor. We are just His sweet babes who think we know what’s best, when in actuality, we don’t.
Right now we are not able to understand all of His ways. He certainly does not promise safety and security while we are still a part of this world. But all of His creation sings His goodness. His mercies have shined forth since the beginning of time, those things have never changed. Our bodies come and go from this Earth, but He is ever present, working in and through all things. One day His mysteries shall be made known and those who have trusted in His goodness even in the midst of these present dark times shall finally share in His glory.
“The Lord is good to all, and his tender mercies are all over His works.” -Psalm 145:9