Sing a New Song
I didn’t realize as I left to go to my monthly appointment this morning, that I was hanging on by just a thread.
I had a great quiet time before leaving that put me in good spirits and even though I hate the commute to Columbus I was not dwelling on the road ahead. These commutes can be feared in two fold- not only am I driving in awful traffic that I’m not normally accustomed to, but I’m driving towards the clinic where I’ve had scare after scare, test after test, and treatment after agonizing treatment. (I love this clinic and these people but the body keeps score!)
Well, all it took was a bucket, turned on its side, rocking back and forth against the line marking the edge of the road for me to spiral into worry.
“I almost hit that! That could have caused a wreck. Oh no…what if it causes someone else to wreck? Do I need to do something? But how?!”
In the process, I must have forgotten to breath because it felt as if my heart literally paused in my chest and the whole feeling started to rise to my head, like some force could sweep me away at any moment.
I knew if I didn’t catch a different wave, this worry could escalate into me actually losing control of my body in the middle of rush hour traffic on 33. The idea of me passing out and crashing before I could ever get pulled over heightened my fear even more.
Thankfully, I was on the phone with Ryan as this all happened, because his voice was a beacon among all of the confusion in my heart.
I began to settle and although I would have loved to of had him on the phone until I reached the clinic, I knew I needed to let him get into his office.
We got off the phone and I kept praying my way through traffic, feeling the fear cycle through welling up and crawling back down. I didn’t know how I was going to continue in this state for the remainder of the drive. I started singing Amazing Grace (completely shaky and out of tune, with only words half remembered) out of sheer necessity. And then I remembered the worship cd still loaded up from my last lone commute.
So I turned it on; singing through every crossover, exit and delay in traffic. There may have been a few tears shed, but mainly because I was in awe of God’s grace, comfort, and presence.
These sort of things are a continual reminder when I get too haughty at my sense of control over things, that He is the one continually holding it all together.
There is fear when the thin veil of control is lifted but there is even more peace when we know The One who actually controls it all.
And as infantile as the world may make it seem, we need that constant connection to Him, we need to constantly be tending to the song in our heart.
Currently, I’m studying a book about the Greek culture and it talks a lot about it being built upon songs. Songs that sing of ancient heroes, defying all odds. And I think yes, this is church too. Together we learn the songs and the verses not because we necessarily understand them at the time but because their true power comes as the words rise up in the face of desperation, peril or confusion. But we will never have access to such power if we choose not to continually feed our souls with The Ultimate Truth.
Just a reminder, friend, that the Spirit came to give us power, love and self control and it is available to all of His children, at any time 💗